it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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