I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
