So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
