woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
