Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
