Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
