WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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