Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
