Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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