you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
