he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
