They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
