so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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