i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
