roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
