just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
