watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize