Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
