I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
