i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
