He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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