I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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