Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
