Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
