I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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