I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so let's talk penis.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize