Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
