You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
