So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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