i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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