I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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