remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
