i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just found puke in my bra..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize