Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
