Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
