If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
