My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
