I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
