I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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