everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
