i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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