are you still at the devil's house?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
