I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
