this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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