I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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