Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
