i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
