I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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