Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
