my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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