I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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