Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
