Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
