rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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