You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
