I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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