Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
