the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
