The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize