come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
