thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize