I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
