Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
