My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
