I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
this is an emotional support booty call
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
