the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You're like the curious george of whores
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
