So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
