just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
