I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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