i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
