You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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