HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize