We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
