Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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