We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
