How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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