We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
