Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
