New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
