I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
